Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Unexpected

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions.  You see, a couple of weeks ago the Hubs and I found out I was pregnant.  This was not something we had planned on timing wise, but we had discussed a second child.  After recovering from the initial shock and got used to the idea, we were thrilled that Babycakes would become a BIG sister.  We told our family, our friends, and our co-workers.  Even though I wasn't very far along, I am a believer in the power of prayer and wanted the Lord's hand in this pregnancy.

Then, last Wednesday, I started having some problems.  Without going into the details, I checked with a nurse who had worked in OB/GYN for several years and learned what I was experiencing is normal.  So I wasn't all that concerned. 

On Thursday, my symptoms had worsened.  After talking with my mom I went ahead and made an appointment with my doctor.  That night I started bleeding and cramping.  I knew, without seeing the doctor, what was happening.

On Friday morning I went to the appointment with the Hubs.  My first pregnancy test came back negative but when they ran a blood test, it was positive.  The doctor wanted to make certain that what I was experiencing really was a miscarriage and he did give us some hope that I might still be pregnant.  But in my heart, I knew I had lost the baby. 

So yesterday, I went back to the lab for another blood draw.  Today, what I knew had happened, was confirmed.  The doctor called it a "blighted ovum" or an anembryonic pregnancy.  Whatever you call is we lost Babycakes' little brother or sister.  There are no memorial services for such a thing, no cards at Hallmark (that I'm aware of), so little can be done for an event that is so sad.  We will try again, but not immediately as so many people will expect us to do.  I need time to recover from this.  As a 40 year old woman I know I am quickly running out of time to have more children.  So often people tell me that I'm running out of time.  I know this better than anyone.  Please don't tell a woman she is "running out of time" to have babies.  We know this.  Sometimes things don't go the way we have planned.  I trust that these events are in the Lord's hands and He is doing what is best for all.  Even if it hurts me now.

I share this personal story for a couple of reasons.  Many of you who read my blog are close family and friends.  I can't bear to call/e-mail/text everyone and share this sad news.  I've also learned that there are many women out there who have suffered through miscarriages in silence.  I'm not sure why this topic is not more openly discussed.  Maybe folks are afraid of saying the wrong thing to a grieving mother-to-be.  Maybe women are embarrassed.  I just know that writing this post has been heartfelt as well as cleansing. 
So while you may have been looking for a lighthearted post, I'm sorry I couldn't deliver that this time.  But I wanted to document this sad part of my journey in life.  Maybe one day Babycakes will go back and read this post and know the loss I felt.  Or maybe it will help another woman coping with a similar loss. 

Thank you for reading this.  If you don't mind, I'll just ask one more thing of you.  Please pray for our family as well as other families who have suffered a miscarriage.  It is a loss I know I will recover from but only with strength from God.


Sunday, June 9, 2013

Summer Fun!

It's almost here!  Summerrrrrr!!!!!  Only two more teacher workdays and I am free for the summer!  The students' last day was Friday and I must say, while I am sad to see some of them leave for the high school, I am not sad to see summer vacation come a little bit closer.  I even had a countdown in my classroom that I used to count down the days with the kids.

I made this with an old Mary Engelbreit desk calendar I had a couple of years ago and it sums up the recharging that must occur over the summer for me to be ready to go in the fall.

The boxes are packed...
Piles of "what stays at school" and "what comes home" are separated.

My little classroom looks so naked at this time of year.  :-(

The computers were still on the table from the endless state testing we had to do.  Three weeks of that stuff.  I was so fried.  I really don't know how the kids take it.  It's awful.

My desk is a giant pile of mess.  I can hardly stand it!
Anywho, the next two days I will spend at work cleaning things up and getting stuff ready for the break.  It's hard to stay motivated when the end is in sight!

But I digress from my original purpose of this post and that is Summer Fun.

Each Saturday from around April through October Babycakes and I have a standing date to go to the Farmer's Market in town.  She loves to go and listen to the live music and visit with all of the local folks.  It also gives me the opportunity to purchase local produce for our meals in the upcoming week.  Yesterday was no different.  She dolled herself up and was ready to roll!

After our trip to the Farmer's Market and naps for Mama and Baby, we went to my cousin's high school graduation celebration.  We are so proud of her and she is one of Babycakes' biggest fans.  While there, Babycakes got to spend some time playing with a couple more of her cousins.  (No exaggeration, I have 32 first cousins.  This does not include their spouses, children or grandchildren.  There are a lot of freakin' cousins in my life! :-)  )   I love having such a large family.  There are always things for kids to do in a large family.  Like toddler cornhole...

I also come from a long line of farmers so there were goats and chickens to play with as well thanks to my (you guessed it!) cousin, Terry.

Let me tell you, Babycakes slept very well last night!

Today was a little more low key.  We went to church (skipped Sunday School because Mama needed a little extra sleep this morning!) then came home and had lunch before Babycakes took her nap.  After nap time was over we headed out to get haircuts and visit the kitties at the pet store next to where we got our haircuts.  (That's her reward for sitting still while getting a haircut.)

On our way home we decided to take Babycakes to the park.  This kid seriously loves a good slide and she was not disappointed today!

 I love the look of pure bliss on her face.  There is nothing better.  Except maybe having her sit still long enough to get a picture with her Mama!

I hope everyone had a great weekend.  I'm looking forward to the slower pace of summertime so I have more time to post some adventures on the blog.  Have a great week!