I'm Not Dead!

One Year, Six Months, and Nineteen Days.
81 Weeks and Two Days.
569 Days.
13,656 hours (give or take).

Regardless of how you break it down, I have been absent from my blog for a REALLY long time.

I didn't plan it.

I don't have an excuse, but I do have an explanation.

After I completed the requirements for my doctorate I was in a funk.  Nothing felt quite right.  I felt like an overeducated, underpaid, special education teacher. I started to pursue my endorsement in school administration.  Then I quit.

Then I realized I couldn't apply for any of the jobs I was interested in without an endorsement in school administration. So I took the rest of the classes. I continued my learning - reading, writing papers - the exhaustion continued.

It wasn't until I contacted the graduate librarian at my university about an unrelated question that I realized what was wrong with me. Postdoc Depression.  I doubt that you'll find that in the DSM-V, but for me it has been very real.  I achieved something that I have wanted since I was about 10 years old. I should be happy. Proud.  And I am, but (you knew there would be a but) what do I do now?

I celebrate this...

At my Hooding Ceremony with my younger brother and sister. (Yep, I'm the oldest!)

And I remember the important things...

My AMAZING Family!

Yes, I am a Doctor of Education. But the most important titles I hold are Wife and Mommy.  I can't forget that.  Being a woman is tough business.  It hasn't even been 100 years since we have been given the right to vote.  Women with families have only entered the workforce during my lifetime.  There are no instructions.  There are no rules.  We have to make it up as we go along.

So right now, I am working everyday to be the best mom, special education teacher, and wife that I can be.  Sometimes  Often, my role as wife takes a back seat to my other roles, and that is not something I am proud of.  But it's true.  

I often think of my now 95 year old grandmother and the choices she had at my age.  By this point she had six children who ranged in age from (around) 20 years old to an infant.  My grandfather had a good job as an accountant, but what options did grandma have?  I'm not sure daycare centers were even available in the early 1960s.  I try and remember that I am doing things many women have not done before.  There are no instructions, no hard and fast guidelines on how to "have it all."  

I have what I want.  

And this, for now, is enough.

Purees and Procreastination

In my last post, I wrote out my "To Do" list for the week. Here it is Wednesday and I haven't done squat from my list.  On Monday I had zero energy.  I watched Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart, did a little cleaning of the master bedroom and that. was. it.  Seriously, I could not figure out why I was so useless.  The next morning I learned the ugly truth.  The Hubs had made decaf.  I apparently cannot function without fully caffeinated coffee.

 Yesterday I took Babycakes swimming at my aunt and uncle's house.  I thought I could get a few things done during her nap but she only slept for another hour. When she woke up she was SUPER cuddly, which was nice, but I knew she wasn't feeling well.  Sure enough she was running a low grade fever.  She was so clingy that I wasn't able to get anything done.  I even had to put her on my back so I could make dinner.

She didn't sleep well last night which means no one slept well.  So I made an appointment when we rolled out of bed this morning with her pediatrician.  Diagnosis: ear infection and eye infection.  So another round of antibiotics and eye drops.  Have you even given eye drops to a 2 year old?  I don't recommend it.

Anyway, back to the point of my post.  While Monday was definitely a day of procrastination, the past two days have been Mommy duty.  I also mentioned last week that I made some purees that I would talk about in a later post.  So here is that post.

A couple of years ago I picked up a copy of Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious  cookbook on the bargain table.

I decided to start using her recipes/ideas to include more veggies in our diets.  The Hubs is a big fan of sloppy joes so I thought I would try her version to see if it would pass muster.  Since her recipe called for some things 1.) I didn't have on hand and 2.) I knew someone didn't like, the recipe below is my version of her recipe.  Capiche?

Okay, I started by browning a pound of ground beef in the skillet.

 To that I added 1/2 cup of sweet potato puree, 1/2 cup of butternut squash puree, 1/2 cup of vegetable broth, 1/4 cup of tomato paste, 1 tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce, 1 teaspoon chili powder, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper.  Cook on low heat for about 15-20 minutes.  (HINT:  The tomato paste in those little cans is about 1/2 a cup.  Rather than throw away the other half, I put it in a freezer bag and popped it into the freezer with my other food purees.)

I used vegetable broth because it's what I had on hand and I was trying to use up what was in the fridge.

We were out of hamburger and hotdog buns so I served them on toasted white bread with a side of sweet potato fries.  The Hubs and I also had side salads and Babycakes had some cucumbers from the garden.

These passed muster with the food critics in the house so it will be a recipe I use again.  I have additional purees in the freezer so I am ready for another evening of sneaking some veggies into a main course.  :-)

What Was I Thinking???

Yesterday, I posted my "TO DO" list for the week.  I said I would spend at least 4 hours on my dissertation proposal.  While I have been working pretty continuously on it for most of the day, I thought I would use a stop watch to measure my "time on task."  That was stupid.  Now, even though I have been working for most of the day I feel like a bum because my measured "time on task" is only 1 hour 49 minutes and 12.9 seconds.  That is less than HALF of what I said I would do!  And yet, my brain feels like a big pile of mush.  How is this possible?  And while I thought I had written about 5 pages it was more like 3 (and that's being generous!).   Will I ever get this thing done?  :-/

Summer, Please Don't Leave Me! I'm Not Ready Yet!

With my summer quickly dwindling away, I need to get my poop together and get some stuff done around here!  While pondering this the other day, I decided that I needed to get moving on some projects before heading back to work at the end of August.  One of the projects that has been hanging over my head for a couple of years is painting the kitchen ceiling.  (Look!  I made a punny!) Unfortunately I knew it would not be a simple project. This is because in addition to painting the ceiling I also need to repaint the walls because the paint is peeling.  So I decided to start peeling paint of the kitchen walls so that I could start the process of painting the ceiling.  

Why am I peeling the paint off of the kitchen walls?  Because whoever owned the house before painted a latex paint over an oil-based paint.  If you aren't familiar with paint - painting latex over oil is a HUGE no-no.  This is because the latex simply peels off of the original oil based paint.  And when I say peel I mean PEEL in huge sheets.  Not all of the paint peeling has been in huge sheets.  There has also been a lot of chipping that crap off with a razor blade.  

Well, as the Hubs and I were finishing up the walls today we made a horrible discovery.  The ceiling has to be peeled too.  UGH!!! This just added even more time/work/money to this "simple" summer project.  So, in order to get everything done that I would like to do this summer I am having to be a little more structured with the remainder of my time off.  This being said, I am putting my "TO DO" list on my blog in the hopes that someone will actually read it and hold me accountable for making sure I do this.  So here is goes...

Monday:
-Work on Dissertation for at least 4 hours
-Make purees (butternut/yellow squash, red pepper, cauliflower)
-Call Assistant Principal about possible Professional Development Presentation for faculty

Tuesday:-Work on dissertation during Babycakes' nap
-Work on Little Firecracker's baby blanket for at least 30 minutes 

Wednesday:
-Peel paint 

Thursday:
-Swimming with Babycakes (it is summer after all!)
-Dissertation during nap
-30 minutes on Little Firecracker's Blanket

Friday:
-Minimum 4 hours on dissertation
-"Catch-Up" on household chores


I know this may not seem like an enormous list of things to get finished in a week's time when I don't have to go to work and Babycakes is in pre-school 3 days a week.  But I am not very good about finishing projects and I need to get something done!  Please keep me motivated!
Thanks!  I hope you all have a wonderful (and productive) week!

The Dissertation Den...

So one of the reasons I haven't been blogging as much is because I've been trying to work on my dissertation proposal.  I am the kind of person who can NOT work unless all external conditions are just right.  I am so easily distracted by "extraneous stimuli" that it's not even funny.  Initially, the Hubs helped me set up my workspace in the basement (It's not as dungeon-ous as it sounds!)  but it was way too chilly for me.  I didn't want to be down there because I was always cold.  So that lasted about a week before I told him it wasn't working.

So last Saturday I took Babycakes out to run errands and the Hubs moved furniture like the manly man he is.  We moved things around so that my scrapbook room/family tv area could become...

"The Dissertation Den"

The Hubs told me that I was a nerd because of the name.  I told him I was simply an, "Intellectual Bad-Ass."

While I was at work on Monday he stayed home with Babycakes since she had been up half the night throwing up and she couldn't go to Daycare.  When I came home I found these AWESOME shelves that he had gotten at Target to help me organize all of my research.

While the purpose of this room is for me to work on my dissertation I still have my scrapbooking stuff in here.  I can't quit that cold turkey.  :-)  Besides, there was no way I was packing all of this crap up to store until I finish.

So while I am still plugging away at getting this Beast completed, I make time for the important things...

Babycakes LOVES to "clean!"

I hope everyone has had a great week!  I am off to my college reunion this weekend for a little relaxation.  Hopefully I can post some pics upon my return!

Sometimes Life Happens

So I really didn't mean for so much time to pass between posts but somehow, life just happened.

For instance, the week my mom went on vacation (she watches Babycakes 3 days a week) Babycakes came down with an ear infection and an upper respiratory infection.  So instead of going to daycare as planned me and the Hubs had to take turns taking off work to care for our sick little one.  Not long after that WE got sick. :-(  Mommy and Daddy are not allowed to get sick at the same time ever again!

I am in the process of writing my dissertation precis so I can turn it in November 30th.  I met with my academic adviser on Halloween and told her I really needed a deadline so I could stop procrastinating.  While I'm still (sort of) procrastinating, I know I need to get myself together and get the blooming thing written and turned in so that I can start my proposal in the spring semester.  I NEED to get this completed!

Well, duty calls - sick baby is awake again. :-(

Will try and post more again soon!